Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
