Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize