Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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