So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
