Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize