Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
