woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
