I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
