Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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