my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize