it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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