Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
