I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
