The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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