My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize