the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize