i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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