I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He felt like a one man threesome
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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