i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
