Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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