Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
