I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i need some magic done to my vagina
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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