Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
