yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the condom got lost in my hair
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize