I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
