dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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