It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
