Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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