While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
