Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
