I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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