i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
