My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
