you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
