If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
