tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
