i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
