i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
