if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize