He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
