yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
