Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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