plz talk dirty to me
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
