Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
