No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
