Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
