I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
