Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
