my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize