you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize