I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
