i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
