I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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