I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
