I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
