I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
