Ambien. No doubt about it.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
