thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
