I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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