I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
