hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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