Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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