You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
