Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
did you just send me my own nude
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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