did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
