at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize