i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
FUCK WHALES
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
